The Loss of a Father
by LenniluvsBrian
Summary: The turtles and their friends have suffered a great loss and are dealing with their grief through writing.
1. Michelangelo

_**A.N.: Each chapter will be a journal entry. I got this idea after watching the Season 3 finale of TMNT. If you haven't seen it yet, this is your spoiler alert. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I only own the story idea. Nickelodeon owns TMNT. Thank-you.**_

* * *

 _ **Why** would Master Splinter do that? **Why** would he turn his back to the Shredder? After all these years of telling us not to trust Shredder, Master Splinter of all people – mutants – turns his back to him, knowing just how **dangerous** he is? What the shell? **What** made him think it was safe to do so? Did he trust in the fact that Shredder loves Karai/Miwa as much as he loves her and us? Did he honestly think that for once the Shredder would do the honourable thing and actually help us save the world? I mean, come on! It's **Shredder!** He's deceived us and many others **how** many times now? Not to mention, just **how** many times the man has tried to **kill us!**_

 _I am lost and confused. I am the only one who has openly wept over the loss of our beloved father and ninja master. My brothers hide their feelings much better than I, though I can see it in their eyes that they're as equally upset as I am. Some of them are angrier than normal and snapping as everyone more so than usual. Some days I just wish they'd express how they feel instead of trying to hide it from everyone, especially me. Granted, I have gotten more hugs than normal these days, since I'm the one who is usually feeling down. Feeling this way for so long is odd for me; I'm normally the happy-go-lucky type. The childish one who just wants to have fun and play games and stay innocent for as long as possible. Sadly though, I've seen way more bad than good, so I'm not as innocent as everyone thinks – but I try to remain energetic and silly and naïve in order to keep my sanity. Besides, it gets me more affection and I crave affection._

 _I've grown rather quiet these days, as part of me is afraid of setting one of my brothers off on a tirade. I've managed to do that a few times already; though once they see the tears in my eyes they take pity on me and apologize for flipping out. Sometimes being the baby of the family is a good thing; and other times it's not such a good thing._

 _I think part of me is still in shock over what happened. I keep thinking that if I close my eyes long and hard enough that when I open them we'll be back in the lair; that Master Splinter will be standing there before my eyes, lecturing me on falling asleep during a meditation lesson. Then I remember that our home, along with the entire planet earth, got sucked into a black hole right after we boarded the Fugitoid's ship._

 _How did that happen? Oh you know, Shredder stabbed right through Master Splinter with his blades, and everyone turned to look, thus missing our only chance to stop the Triceraton's device from destroying earth. I guess when I put it that way we were all idiots in a sense. I mean, if we'd not all looked, only of us surely could have finished what Master Splinter had been trying to do – stop the Triceraton's annihilation device. (Yeah big word I know. I asked Donnie how to spell it.) Granted if Shredder had not stabbed Master Splinter the world would have been saved – wouldn't have it? I mean, Sensei would have been able to figure out how to stop the device, right? If Shredder had done the honourable thing, between the two of them, they could have saved the planet and the human race, right? Well, I guess we'll never know the answer to that one – though I'll go on believing that Sensei could have stopped it. He is – was – the smartest person I know – after Donnie of course._

 _If anyone of the guys were to read this, I'm sure they'd be surprised to learn I have deep thoughts. I have them all the time; I just don't care to share them. There's more to me than my childish antics, but no one ever seems to see past those. Granted, part of me is glad that they don't – while the other part of me sometimes wishes that they would. I'm sure one of these days I'll figure out what I want – if we ever live that long. The life of a teenage mutant ninja turtle is dangerous and scary as shell, yet thrilling and entertaining all at the same time._

 _I hope we're able to somehow find a way to get the earth back. And I do hope that everyone who was left behind on the planet survives – except the Kraang. They can die. It's their fault the Triceratons came after earth anyway. And had the Kraang not invaded earth, the Triceratons would not have come to annihilate the planet, Master Splinter would not have gone to Shredder for help, Shredder **never** would have had the opportunity to kill Master Splinter, and we'd all be back home chowing down on some pizza right now instead of flying through outer space to who knows where with a robot who calls himself the Fugitoid._

 _Phew. I'm glad that's out of my system and that I found this journal to rant in. everyone thinks I'm crazy as it is; I don't need them thinking I've completely lost my marbles._

 _I think I hear another argument ensuing. I should go check it out – sometimes it's entertaining watching my brothers fight. Especially now since there's nowhere to go to escape one another. Granted I don't think Donnie wants to escape April. Casey on the other hand…I'm sure by now Donnie's wishing we'd left him to get sucked into the black hole. Me, well, I'm missing Ice Cream Kitty right now – she was always good at cheering me up._

 _And of course, I'm missing Master Splinter more than words can say. I wish we could find a time turner and go back in time and prevent this all from happening. I wonder what Renet is doing, and if she'll be able to find us in space or if she got sucked into the black hole too since her time turning had to do with earth and time portals._

 _Anyway, I'm off to investigate that argument now. I can hear it getting louder and how I've managed to tune it out this long I have no idea._

 _Until next time…well, the next time I'm bored really…_

 _Michelangelo_


	2. Raphael

Well I never thought I'd see the day I'd write in one of these things. Master Splinter always said writing was therapeutic, but Master Splinter is **gone**. And when I say gone, I mean he's **dead**. He ain't ever coming back. Why? Because he was **stupid**! Who the **shell** would trust the **Shredder**!? Whether we needed the jerk's help or not, is not the question. The question is **why** did Splinter believe the jerk was there to help? **Why** did he think Shredder cared more about Karai – Miwa – whoever the shell she ends up being – than vengeance? **Why** did he call out to Shredder thinking that he would help stop the Triceraton annihilation device? **Why** was 'Saki hurry' his last words?! **Why** did we not even get the chance to tell him how much he meant to s? How much he meant to **me**...

 **Why** did we let the world get sucked into a black hole? **Why** did we let Master Splinter's body go with it? Okay, he's dead. Bu I just think if we'd kept his body, Donnie could've revived him somehow or something. I mean, Donnie is the brains of this family...

Okay, realistically, I doubt even Donnie could've saved him... I mean, Shredder's blades did go right through him and everything...what a way to go...it's an image I'll probably never get out of my head...Damn.

I think we're all in shock over what's happened in the last few days. I know I sure as shell am. I mean, the world is gone, Master Splinter is gone, and we're in outer space with a Fugitoid...what the shell is going to happen next? Though I'm not sure what's worse than unexpectedly becoming orphans. I'll never trust an enemy **ever** again, that's for sure. I figured Master Splinter knew what he was doing, but I guess not. I don't think even he thought Shredder was more for vengeance than for saving the world Karai is still on somewhere. I guess not all father's love outweighs everything else. I know Sensei would've and did do everything he could for us. Shredder, well, he's a jerk who doesn't seem to care about being a good father at all. Though, we should've known that when he caged her and chained her over mutagen then blamed **us** after **he** was the one who sliced through the chain holding the cage. **He** is what caused her to fall into the container and mutate into a snake! **He** is why **none** of us have fathers anymore!

I mean, think about it really. Shredder killed Master Splinter, which caused us all to pause and not save the world. The world that April's father and Casey's father and kid sister were still on. As far as we know, we're all orphans, and as far as we know, the only thing left of earth. Jeez. This is going to get depressing real fast.

I'm surprised I don't sound angrier about this crap. I know I feel pretty damn angry and bitter about it all. But in writing it down, I just feel drained and tired. I'm tired of fighting about everything and for everything. I actually feel sad, come to think of it.

Admitting that was hard. Mikey's the only one who ever openly admits to being sad and stuff. Granted he is the baby and can be pretty emotional at times. I often wonder if he's just doing it to get more attention and affection. I'm a sucker for that crap when it comes to him. He's my little brother though, and I don't like seeing him anything but happy. So if a few extra hugs are what it takes, so be it, I'll suck it up and do it.

Leo and I were butting heads again earlier. Not that, that's anything new. I tend to go stir crazy when unable to just get out and breathe in some fresh air. Though, I highly doubt we want to open a door on this space craft just to breathe in the air. I'd rather not be sucked out into the depths of outer space with all these crazy aliens who are all intent on destroying one another. Why they all can't just get along and stick to inhabiting their own planets is beyond me. I mean, if it weren't for the Kraang and Triceraton's stupid war, we would even be in this mess! If it weren't for them, Master Splinter would not have gone to Shredder for help. If it weren't for them, Shredder **never** would've had the opportunity that he did to kill out father!

Okay, I'm back to being bitter again. But can anyone blame me? I'm sure we're all a little bitter right about now. Each of us for our own differentiating reasons probably. Though I've a feeling my brothers and I are likely bitter for the same reasons. Our father was **murdered** right before our very eyes! **No one** should **ever** have to see that! Especially **not** a bunch of fifteen and sixteen year-olds!

And especially **not** Mikey! Okay so we treat him like a little kid (he does act like one a lot of the time). But he is more sensitive than the rest of us. I mean, Donnie is sensitive too at times, but Mikey, he really lives up to being the baby. I constantly feel the need to protect him, more so now than ever. I will **not** have **anyone** tell me that I've been a horrible brother to him. I like the kid more than I care to admit. He can be rather amusing at times, though right now he's mopey and quiet. I miss the happy, crazy, going-to-annoy-the-shell-out-of-my-brothers Mikey. I know he can't be happy all the time, and he has as much right to be upset as the rest of us. But I could really use his happy-go-lucky hyperness right about now.

If I could turn back time, I would in a heartbeat. I would've never befriended the Triceraton and I for sure never would've let him active his homing device. But I know I can't go blaming myself. I did everything I could to save everyone, but only managed to save my kid brother. Thank God we managed to save Mikey from the Triceratons. I don't know what I'd do without the kid. I think losing him would be so much worse than losing Master Splinter – and losing Master Splinter is pretty rough as it is.

If I am going to blame anyone, it will be Shredder and the Triceratons. I will not let anyone blame me either – though I'm sure some will try. I'm sorry I have a heart. But whatever. We'll get through this, I'm sure of it. We always do.

Raphael


	3. Donatello

_I have never felt more confused in my life. This isn't the first time I've ever been confused, but I am more puzzled now than I have ever been. I often question things to death, since I am a scientist and all. But what happened a few days ago has me completely baffled. I mean, how does one let the earth get sucked into a black hole? How does one process the fact their sensei was murdered right before their eyes?_

 _Master Splinter was the wisest person/mutant I knew. For him to suddenly be gone and no longer here to mentor us, and give us heck for the stupid stunts we tend to pull, is beyond my grasping capability. I mean, I know he's dead. I saw Shredder's blades piercing through him, and I saw him fall to the ground in a heap. But to accept the fact he is gone for good; I just can't do it. Not until I've gone over every single possibility I can think of. There has to be some way to bring him and the earth back, right? I'm the family genius, so I should be able to figure this out and find a way to do it…right?_

 _I honestly don't know anymore. I've gone over so many different scenarios in my head these past few days I'm honestly surprised I haven't gone mad. Sure I have my brothers here, as well as April…and Casey… But I still feel like there was something more I could have done. If Michelangelo hadn't gotten himself captured by the Triceraton, we wouldn't have had to go rescue him. We would have been closer to Sensei and could have warned him about the Shredder. We could have saved him. If we'd been able to warn him, I'm sure he'd still be here with us right now, flying in outer space with the Fugitoid._

 _I know I can't blame Michelangelo. He was just trying to fight the Triceraton off and help us save the world. I know it's not his fault he was born with a short attention span and the biggest heart of anyone I know. He was worried about Leatherhead and the other Mutant Animals. I know I was pretty worried when he was captured and taken to the Triceraton ship. We couldn't just let the Triceraton take him and destroy him. He may be a pain in the shell most the time, but I still love him. He'd do anything for anyone without even giving it a second thought. Besides, what's a family without the baby, right? He's cheap entertainment, that's for sure._

 _Anyway, enough about Mikey; it's not always about him. Master Splinter is gone, we're somewhere in space, Leonardo and Raphael keep fighting (what else is new), and April keeps turning to Casey Jones for comfort! I get that his family got sucked into the black hole with earth, as well as April's dad, but what am I? Chopped liver? My father was killed right in front of me, yet she goes to **him** instead. I think it is old news by now that I'm jealous of the relationship she has with Casey. I know I'm a mutant turtle and that I'm not exactly the greatest choice, but I deserve at least a chance, don't I? I know I have my faults, but Casey has way more than I do. Granted that's my biased opinion. I do love her though. She just seems to get me, she's intelligent, she's beautiful, and she doesn't take crap off anyone. Can any girl be more perfect? I sure don't think so._

 _I feel like there are so many things I should be focusing on and yet all I can think about is April and Casey. I admit it keeps me from thinking about Master Splinter, our other friends, and earth being gone though. I'm afraid to think about that stuff for too long. I don't need to suddenly have a mental breakdown. My brothers and friends have enough to cope with right now, without having to deal with my mental state. Though doesn't every great inventor have a breakdown or some sort? People thought Einstein was crazy and Van Gogh chopped off his own ear._

 _I wish we could just sit and talk about how we're all dealing with the cards we've been dealt. But I know a couple of hot-heads who would never let that happen without a fight. And I'm sure everyone would be more focused on Mikey and his well-being than anything else. I get he's the baby, but sometimes I'd like a little attention too. It's like I'm just here because they need my brainiac ideas, and not because they actually want me here. I'm sure that's not true, but some days I can't help but feel that way. I mean, it's not like I can expect them to know how I feel, when we never talk about our feelings. I mean, we did the odd time if Master Splinter forced u too, but other than that, mum's the word._

 _I am more sensitive than my older brothers. I never wanted to fight – I wanted to learn and keep the peace without violence. Violence never solves anything. It just creates more violence and more crazy people out for vengeance. The world – universe – doesn't need any more vengeful people. What it needs is people/aliens/mutants who want peace and who can solve problems without bloodshed. There has been more than enough bloodshed and loss._

 _When we were kids, I always knew one day we'd have to fight. Master Splinter told us about Shredder and how dangerous he was (so how he could forget this I have no idea!); how dangerous the world could be, since people would likely not willingly accept us. They would be afraid of us because we were different and humans don't like things that are different than what they are used to and consider normal. I knew all this, yet it all still came somewhat of a surprise to me when it finally came time for us to venture out into the world. If only I had known then what I know now; I would've tried to convince my brothers to wait a few more years before going topside. Granted I'm sure a lot of the stuff that has happened would have happened anyway. The Kraang would have still taken over for a while, Shredder would have at least taken over the city, and the Triceratons still would have come to annihilate the earth because of the Kraang inhabiting it. I guess we're damned if we do, and damned if we don't. it's like, no matter how hard we try to stop all the evil that descends upon us, the universe just keeps sending more and more our way. Well universe, how about sending something good our way for a change? I'm fed up with all the evil and the jerks that are the reason for the evil. I am tired of fighting and getting nowhere near the end of the fight._

 _I'm sure the fight will be even worse now, provided we ever manage to get the earth back where it belongs with all the people on it (I do hope the people of earth are okay). I mean, my brothers – two of them anyway – are likely going to want revenge on the Shredder for killing Master Splinter. I can't say that I blame them, but we've seen what vengeance does to someone. Shredder is a prime example of that. He's harmed his own daughter numerous times, and every time puts the blame on us or one of his henchmen – usually us. We're not the ones who keep hurting her though. We cared about her enough to try and save her and the planet she was on. He didn't care enough about her to do that. He cared more about getting his revenge and killing Master Splinter. He finally succeeded, but at the biggest cost of them all. To him though, it was worth it. Jerk._

 _I feel like writing this probably didn't accomplish as much as I had hoped. I know I rambled and was all over the place. I know part of me is still angry about things that are out of my control. Part of me just wants to scream as loud as I can and break down into sobs. Another part of me is more than ready to start spewing gibberish. And worst of all, I'm still just as confused now as I was when I began writing this. I guess it'll take longer than I hoped for this confusion to make any sense – I doubt any of this will ever make complete sense though. No matter how long and hard I over think it._

 _Sometimes I hate being a genius._

 _Donatello_


	4. Leonardo

I can't believe he's gone. He's **gone**. Master Splinter is **gone**. What the shell!? As **if** he is gone! As **if** he left us here all alone! He still had **so** much more to teach us! To teach **me!** Who the shell do I go to for advice now? My brothers are great, but they don't have the wisdom or maturity that Master Splinter has…had. I'll never get used to placing him in the past tense. He wasn't supposed to go anywhere anytime soon. He was supposed to watch us grow and become adults, not only see us through the first fifteen years! I know turtles outlive rats, but he was part human too, so he could've still had plenty more years to go, had Shredder not betrayed him in the worst possible moment.

Though if you think about it, Shredder has hurt everyone he's ever cared about. He killed the woman he loved just to hurt Hamato Yoshi (and let him believe his daughter was dead as well) – he blamed Yoshi for Tang Shen not wanting to be with him. He turned Karai into a mutant snake and blamed **me** when **he** was the one who caused her to fall into the mutagen. **He** used her as bait, **not** me! Then after all these years, instead of for once doing the **honourable** thing, he chooses to complete his vengeance and **murders** Master Splinter – who had gone to him for help in saving the world. So much for honourable ninjas – even his henchmen were surprised and none too pleased with him carrying out his revenge instead of stopping the annihilation device. Apparently his vengeance was more important than anything else – even more so than Karai, the daughter he claims to love in his own sick, twisted way.

I'm not sure how I feel about earth being sucked into the black hole with all those humans and mutants on it. I'm glad to be rid of the Kraang for a while, but feel horrible for all those innocent people. They never asked for any of this – granted, neither did we. I am also glad to be rid of Shredder. I don't know how I'd react if I were to see him right now. I'd likely pull a Raph and go after him in anger, instead of plotting and executing a carefully thought out plan. I've never been the reckless type, but in my grief, I just may become that. And that is never a wise thing for a ninja to become. A ninja needs to be focused and stealthy and vigilant.

Though if ninjas are to be vigilant and always aware of their enemy, why didn't Master Splinter sense what Shredder was about to do!? I mean, Master Splinter always knew everything. He always knew when we were up to something, or had snuck out, or were lying. He always knew what advice to give, and when it was greatly needed. He always knew who was upset and needed comforting, and who was being a jerk because they had been confined too long. He just knew things that I guess every parent would usually know. He always seemed to have the answers to everything, and just had a way of calming one of us down when needed. I'm going to miss that. I'm going to miss him.

Is it wrong that a small part of me is glad the earth is gone right now? I know if we were home, I would be helping fuel Raphael's need for revenge. I'm sure he wants it as badly as I do. I'm sure, like me, he knows revenge is not the answer. Though if we ever see Shredder again, I also know I am going to be totally un-rational and go after him in anger and grief. Anger and grief can be the downfall of any good ninja. I need to be sure I not let it overcome me. It will be hard, but I need to do it – if not for me, for my brothers.

They are my sole responsibility now. They've always been my responsibility in a way, but I always knew Master Splinter was the one who was truly in charge and that his word was law. If he set his foot down, we listened (usually). If I set mine down, they're either going to laugh in my face or rebel – or both. Raph for sure will laugh and rebel. He's done that plenty of times already. Donnie will do his own thing most likely. He always has. But he's always been there when I needed him in the end. Mikey will surely laugh, but then follow orders. Unless Raph convinces him to do otherwise; he admires Raph more than necessary at times and will do just about anything he asks. This is going to be a challenge, but as leader I am going to have to overcome it like any other challenge I've ever faced. This challenge matters more now than ever; if one of us falls, we're all going to fall. And we **can't** fall.

We need to pull together in a time of adversity and sorrow, and go out and kick shell. We need to continue saving people/mutants/aliens. We need to get the earth back to where it belongs so that we can all go home. So that April and Casey can go home to their families. My family is with me; no matter where I go, they will follow. We're a unit. You get four for the price of one. You always have.

I'll miss you father…

Leonardo


	5. April

_I've lost my father for the fourth time now. The first time he was abducted by the Kraang; the second time he was accidentally mutated into a bat by the turtles. The third time was the Kraang invasion and he was standing next to his party van ready to help us escape when he got hit by mutagen and was mutated into a Kraang. The fourth time just happened recently. He was sucked into the black hole earth gravitated into after we failed to save the planet from the Triceraton annihilation device._

 _To top off losing my father yet again, I have now also lost my surrogate father, Master Splinter. He was murdered by the Shredder in the midst of our battle with the Triceraton. He and I had gone to enlist the Shredder's help as we knew we could not beat the Triceraton alone. Unfortunately, the Shredder had an ulterior motive for agreeing to help us. We foolishly believed he was there to save the world from being destroyed, thus saving Karai/Miwa from being destroyed. We were foolish and we paid for it dearly._

 _After Shredder completed his vengeance, my head felt like it was exploding and there was a flash and then the black hole appeared. We all ran to Master Splinter, only to have his body float up into the black hole. We would have followed suit, had an unidentified object not shown up to rescue us. Had it not been for the Fugitoid we would have been on the earth when it disappeared from sight and the solar system. I am grateful for his rescue, but wish Casey and I would have been able to save our families from the annihilation._

 _I have been going to Casey for comfort, which I am sure is driving Donnie crazy. I can empathize with Casey more so than Donnie though, as my father wasn't murdered. He's just lost out in another part of space somewhere, or in some other dimension (at least he wasn't mutated this time). Casey's father and little sister are out there somewhere with him; hopefully they're all okay and we'll be reunited again someday (I have to believe that). As for Donnie and the other guys though, their father is never returning. Master Splinter is gone and never coming back. It hurts like hell to say it, but it's the heartbreaking, unfortunate truth._

 _I have also been going to Casey, because or once, I'm not sure exactly what to say to Donnie. I can tell that he's upset (as everyone is) but I don't know what I can do to make it better. Sure I have powers, but I can't bring someone back from the dead (least not that I'm aware of) – especially if they're going to be dead for as long as Master Splinter will be. I mean, maybe if his body was with us, we could've tried something – I'm not sure what, but something at least. But with his body having floated into the black hole, I'm afraid he's long gone and there is absolutely no saving him. Not that there was any saving him to begin with, since we all just stood there and watched Shredder stab right through him._

 _Those few seconds of watching the Shredder kill Maser Splinter, is what cost us saving the earth. If we had not all turned and paused upon seeing what was happening, we could have stopped the annihilation device – I am sure of it. We've failed missions before, but none cost us as badly as this one. I hope none of our future missions ever cost us as severely as this last one. I cannot endure another loss as painful as this. I know I am strong, but to lose anyone else just might shatter my strength. A person can only be strong so long before their walls are all cracked and they crumble completely._

 _I am sure we'll all pull through this though, as we have always bounced back from loss and failed battles. This one will be the hardest to overcome, but if we can stick together, I am sure we'll manage it. We're a family and as a family we can get through anything. I know we can. We have too._

 _I am unsure of where the Fugitoid is taking us, but it seems he has a mission he needs our help with. Of course he needs our help. Every time someone is in trouble they expect us to come to their aid and fight alongside them. Though this time I am unsure of what we are fighting for. The Fugitoid has yet to tell us all the details of his mission, other than that he desperately needs our help. Provided he is the good guy in all of this, we'll of course help him. We don't ever help the bad guys, unless helping them serves a greater good._

 _I am hoping we reach a destination soon, as it's starting to feel a little crowded on this space craft. Tension, boredom, and sorrow are getting the best of everyone and fights are constantly breaking out. It's usually between Raph and Leo. Raph and Casey have gone at it too, as have Donnie and Casey. The only male who has not gotten into an argument with anyone is Mikey. Granted he's become rather reclusive since we escaped being sucked into the black hole with the rest of the world. I know he's grieving like the rest of us, but he's more clingy and emotional than usual. Okay, I likely would be too if I saw my father killed (I've seen mine mutated numerous times though). But then again it's Mikey and he's always been the most sensitive and caring out of any of the turtles. Donnie's a close second, but Mikey seems to take things harder than the rest of them. I can see why Master Splinter sometimes had a hard time disciplining him – he can bring on the tears in seconds and cause your heartstrings to tighten. He's such a good heart and just wants for everyone to be happy and have fun – which is extremely hard to do when people are constantly trying to take over the world and kill you. I hope he'll be back to his old self again soon. I hope we're all back to being our old selves again – well, as much as we can be, considering all that has happened. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change the outcome of certain events to prevent bad things from happening. Impossible as it seems, I've seen it happen._

 _I tend to sit and observe everyone these days. I am constantly trying to figure out their moods and if they are safe to approach at certain moments. Sometimes it's hard to tell, as they can mask their feelings well. Sometimes I hate that they are trained ninjas and are able to block me out and hide things from me. Granted I am training to be a kuniochi (a female ninja). Though with the death of Master Splinter, I am unsure how my training will go now. I have a feeling Leo will take over – that or he'll try and keep me from going into any battles. I know they want to protect the ones they care about, but sometimes I feel they're all just trying to protect me because I'm a girl. I mean, they don't seem to have any trepidation about Casey running on into battle. Sure he needs to be a little more patient and learn to follow the plan Leo is setting forth, but they don't tell him to sit a battle out as often as they tell me to do so. Even Master Splinter used to tell me to stay in the lair – not that I usually listened. Let's just say disobeying a ninja master is not a smart thing, as I quickly learned. And though I quickly learned that, I still tended to disobey his orders if I felt his ruling to be unjust. But hey, I am a teenager after all. It's what we do._

 _I am going to miss Master Splinter. Once we get the earth back (and I know we will), it's going to hit hard when we return to the lair. He was always there waiting for us. Whether with kind words or scolding ones, he was still always there waiting. It didn't matter how angry or disappointed he was, you still knew that he cared and just wanted what was best for you and to keep you out of harm's way. He was a wonderful father to the turtles and a wonderful surrogate to me. Not many would take in their children's friends in times of need and loss. I know plenty of humans who would have turned me and Casey away without even a second thought. Master Splinter was warm and welcoming, yet firm when it was needed. Believe me, with all us teenagers in the lair, it was definitely needed._

 _I am going to miss his great advice and his calming nature. He was helping me tone my abilities and I will have to call upon his training if I wish to continue toning them. I know Leo will want to help, but he tends to get too bossy at times. And Donnie, well, as much as he wants to help, he's actually no help. I know he's there staring at me and wishing he and I were together and that Casey wasn't in the picture as much. Yes I am aware of all this. Donnie is a brilliant turtle, and Casey is a superb human being, but I am not looking for any relationships at this point in time. Life is complicated enough as it is, without adding a boyfriend into the mix._

 _Hopefully everything works out the way we want in the end. We can't bring Master Splinter back, but I know we'll go to no ends to bring the earth back. We cannot allow for so many innocent lives to suffer the consequences of our mistakes._

 _Not that what happened is our fault. Our mistake was not finishing he mission and destroying the annihilation device. The fault belongs to the Kraang and the Triceraton. They're the reason behind everything that has happened (other than the Shredder/Splinter feud that goes years back to when they were Hamato Yoshi and Oroku Saki). The Kraang especially are at fault. Everything bad that has happened in my life has to do with them. Granted I do have Kraang in me, thanks to their experimentation on my mother while she was pregnant with me. But still. I am not a Kraang. Will accept mutant maybe, human sure, but I am no Kraang. Kraang are evil, and I am **not** one of those evil aliens! I hope that they have been defeated and that we never have to set eyes on them again. I am sick and tired of them hurting my family time after time. I do hope the Triceraton annihilated them, and just them. The Kraang deserve to be annihilated. The innocent people of earth do not. Here's to hopefully having annihilated the Kraang!_

 _April_


End file.
